Metempsychosis

warning: referenced past unhealthy relationship, past character death, character(s) having panic attacks, canon-typical violence

AU: soul-bonded; Sacrament

 

 

Wonder since when did he starts to feel this way.

He stood off to the corner of his hideout - a makeshift home carved out of an abandoned building, wrought in silence and shadows safe for the area that they inhabit. It rained since last night and showed no sign of letting up, somewhat matching his melancholic mood.

Really, since when?

Even as he stares ahead into the rain, mind elsewhere. He keeps seeing flashes of something at the edge of his vision; a shadow, always too quick to catch. And every time he gets a feeling of loss, of something amiss, like he's missing a piece of himself and he doesn't know it.

Blinking, he absentmindedly stuck his right hand under the rain, the coldness of it grounding him. Turning it over, exposing the rough, jagged scar on the back of his hand. He remembered seeing odd dreams since he was young. Dreams of bright, gentle light, and of a person whom he couldn't ever recall. Again, and again. Then he would wake up in the morning with a strange tug in his chest - a longing for someone lost in his memories.

Who are you?

 

Who am I?

 

Sometimes he doesn't feel like himself. A momentary shift in his sense of self; a flickering in his form, and a hint of madness that doesn't at all feels foreign. Yet his reflection remains the same.

«You are yourself, no matter what you think. »

A voice, gentle but strong, always just out of his reach. It's there nonetheless at the corner of his consciousness.

He pulls his hand back, unminding of the wetness left by the rainwater, and returns inside.

 

*

 

A chase, and he's now somewhere in the dark side of the city. His footsteps lightly echo in the wide expanse. The Horror he's currently out hunting is giving him quite a headache.

(It's ticking him off.)

Wandering around the area, he can feel the restlessness grew.

"Are you okay, Jinga?" The smooth metallic ring of his partner's voice cuts through the growing aggression. At least Alva is still with him. Fusa's absence is hitting him harder than he would like to admit, and there's absolutely no way he'll let Toma tag along without her. He can't trust himself to protect him alone.

"..-Yeah, somewhat."

"But don't let your guard down yet." He knows. He can feel the eyes on him even in the dark.

 

A scratch on the ground.

 

He turns around just in time to block the strike.

 

*

 

"--Hey, are you okay?"

Faintly he can feel someone shaking him.

Who?

"What the hell happened here?" The voice sounded quite shocked, raising in pitch towards the end of the sentence.

Stop. You shouldn't be here.

Go away.

"Whatever, I'm dragging you home for now. I'm not leaving you out here to bleed dry."

Stop. Please.

"Hang on, I'll get you somewhere safe."

 

And that was the last thing he heard.

 

*

 

When he came to, he blinked his eyes open to warm lightings. Where is this? So it crossed his mind. Wherever he is, he isn't anywhere familiar or even remotely anywhere he'd ever step into. Though at least he could tell it is someone's home, judging from the apparent condition of the room he's currently occupying.

Looking off to the side he could see his grey coat draped over the backrest of a chair with an obvious red stain marring the fabric. Huh, that looks quite bad. There's a corresponding numbness in his left side around the same level of the blood stain.

What happened?

He rolled a bit to push himself upright, managing to do so with some difficulty. Pushing the blanket aside he opted to check his condition. A closer inspection on himself reveals white bandages over his chest and around his torso with the same blood stain as on the coat albeit in lighter shade. And strangely the pain is not as much. Whoever picked him off the streets did a rather good job in patching him up.

(Then again, there's his healing factor to take account. Knights are just hard to kill in general.)

"Oh, you're up?" The sudden voice had him snapping towards it, only to be shocked in return as a jolt of something shot through him. Hearing the abrupt hitch in his breathing, the man dropped whatever he's holding and rushed to his side.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, that must've surprised you." The man's words just barely reached him; frozen to his spot, entranced by how concerned the man is for a complete stranger, and how remarkably familiar he feels to him.

He must've looked out of it judging by how the man is now waving his hand in front of him. "..Hey, are you there?"

Blinking his eyes, he shook himself out of his stupor. "..--Yeah, I am." At his reply the man visibly heaves a relieved sigh.

"Thank goodness. I thought you got hit in the head somewhere since you're acting quite strange."

He could only blink rapidly and avert his gaze, feeling a little sheepish. You look like a deer in the headlights, so Fusa would've jibed if she's here.

"You...did this?" He gestured towards the bandages covering his person before looking back towards the man.

"Yeah, I did. I'm a paramedic so it's nothing too difficult. Thankfully it wasn't that deep too." Ah, that explains. "I probably should've brought you to the hospital but somehow it doesn't feel like the right thing to do." Good thing he didn't. It'll be a pain to explain the unusual parts of his body (however it may be; Knights aren't really normal humans.)

"But I really couldn't leave you there so I took you home instead."

Such a nice person, he thought. Going around hunting Horrors, he'd seen enough of the darkness within humankinds. Enough that he become resentful of it.

But this kindness was what they fought hard to protect - the light in their heart.

Light.

"You're zoning out again. You're sure you didn't hit your head?" And now the man is looking at him with an amused smirk, voice in a lighthearted tease.

"..-No, I don't." His reply came out in a rush trying to hide his embarrassment. The man let's out a breathy laugh in return.

"Well then, if you say so." The man moves to stand and he was suddenly overcome with urgency, left hand shooting out to catch the other's wrist, startling the man.

"--Wait-!" It was so abrupt it left him breathless. "..Wait-," He repeats, softer.

"-I haven't, --can you tell me your name..?" He's out of breath by the end of his sentence, somehow feeling like he could lose his only chance if he didn't ask for it now. The man's expression changes from that of alarm to a softer one, breaking into a smile.

 

"..-Ryuga."

 

*

 

As if time stopped for a brief moment; the soft smile that had ingrained itself into his subconscious within that period. And the odd feeling that the action felt rather foreign to him (specifically) but wasn't something strange to the man himself. He had loosened his grip upon getting his answer and allowed the man to go off wherever he needed to, still frozen in his spot while he silently stares at the man's retreating figure.

Ryuga.

For some reason he knows that name.

The telltale tug in his chest does not lie. Though he couldn't put his finger on it.

"You're still staring." Alva couldn't hide the amusement in her voice. "Did you fell for him at first sight?"

"..-I didn't." He denies, yet feeling some heat creeping up his face.

 

"-Hey--"

"-Yes?" Startled by the man's sudden reappearance, he snapped towards the door way, seeing the man peering inside with an equally surprised expression.

"-Sorry, just wondering..- would you mind having something simple?"

 

And that's how he ends up staying for dinner. The newfound knowledge of the man being a rather decent cook is certainly a pleasant surprise.

 

*

 

He didn't expect to see the room empty in the morning; not with that kind of injury, and definitely not without making any kind of noises at all. The man might have made his way out in the middle of the night, but with how loud the front door creaks on the slightest movement there's no way he wouldn't notice. Yet, there he stood in his (now empty) room, looking out the window.

It seemed like the most obvious answer.

Did he...jumped out?

...Which would've made more sense had this not be the fourth floor.

Tentatively he peeked outside - no signs of dead body whatsoever. What the hell?

He's having a really hard time trying to justify the points presented. No, that just doesn't make sense.

Just who did he helped last night?

Then within the chaos of his early morning discovery, a single thought cut through.

 

"Ah, I forgot to ask for his name."

 

*

 

It's been a handful of days since then and the wound is completely healed. He's back in his field and yet he still couldn't forget the man (Ryuga, as his mind helpfully supplies.)

Can't help getting a little distracted during work.

 

"Are you okay? Did anything happen while I was away?" Was the first thing Fusa asked the day after she got back from her solo mission.

"Why do you ask?"

"You've been acting quite weird. Toma told me that you went missing for a whole night too."

"It's nothing. Just got caught up with something, that's all." From the look she's throwing him, she's not at all convinced.

"What do you mean by 'something'?"

Well how is he going to explain that he got injured because of his carelessness and got picked up from the streets by a nice stranger? She'd ground him.

"Just...something. Also, I'm fine, really."

She eyed him for a solid half a minute before sighing heavily. The back of his neck prickled under the invisible pressure.

"Okay then." She turned around and went back to her prior activities. He deflates, feeling the tension going away at once.

 

Rolling away just in time to avoid the incoming strike - wonder what he's doing right now? It's around midnight..-sleeping? But the man mentioned being a paramedic, might still be working too. From what he gathered, it's not that much different from what he's doing. Well, except the 'fighting man-eating monsters' part, that is.

Forcing the Horror back enough for Fusa to fire a blast, knocking out its balance. Tonight's Horror is large size-wise, though fortunately rather slow.

Enough for them to make a fairly quick work of it. Though they're still a little short of breath at the end of it. No work at all would be unrealistic.

As the dust clears, Fusa made her way closer in a light jog.

"You're okay?"

"Yeah, didn't scratch myself anywhere this time." She snickered at his reply.

"Good then." Her comeback came tagged with a grin, while he could only lightly sigh in return.

A sudden commotion from somewhere breaks their lighthearted mood, shifting their attention to where it seems to come from. A loud crash soon follows through.

"What was that?"

"I don't know...wanna check it out?" Fusa glanced his way with raised eyebrows. Giving a curt nod, they went ahead. Following the trail of noises, they reached a dark alley in no time.

The commotion seems to be a gang fight of sorts - certainly not something they should get involved in. But they know enough that this kind of scuffles could attract unwanted Horrors, so they opted to stay in the sidelines and observe.

 

"-Hey, how many times do we have to warn you, keep off our turf!" About ten or so thugs roaring around; typical gangster behaviour. It's quite tiring to watch.

But he didn't expect to hear someone familiar on the other side of the argument.

"..-And how many times do I have to tell you to stop messing up the place." That is..-

The bright moon made its appearance just at the right time to illuminate the area, revealing the person hidden in the shadow.

 

"..Ryuga?" It is him. Why?

Fusa reflexively looks his way in question. "..You know him?"

Briefly facing his partner before going back to the scene in front of him. "Kind off."

The accurate answer is probably 'not really', more so with the air the man is currently giving off. He looks positively dangerous.

Who helped him that night?

 

He didn't know who started first, probably the thugs, and apparently, it's all of them against the man alone. All of them, with weapons to boot. He's going to get hurt.

"--Jinga, wait-" Fusa stopped him from stepping in, when a loud smack resounds and one of the thugs got sent flying, rolling to a stop a short distance away from them. They both looked ahead seeing the group of gangsters stopping short before the other man.

 

A sigh was heard, "Aah, I'll be late to work.."

Then a storm raged.

 

*

 

The way the man moved through the crowd was mesmerizing, like a violent dance. He was awestruck as he silently watches from afar - the man was not at all shaken, instead he handled his enemies with shocking ease.

And as he watches, flashes of a different image superimposed itself onto the scene; of a slightly different form but matching step by step. Again, the feeling of familiarity tugs him.

He knows those move set. But how?

Is it the fighting style? (The man fought like a Knight, sans the Soul Metal sword. And for some reason he feels like it would be just right if the man actually has one.)

(This man is used to fighting.)

As the last opponent fell, the man is left standing alone, breathing slightly laboured from the exertion. Then another image flashes - the same form, clad in long black coat, a sword in his right hand. And the realisation hits him like a massive wave.

Fusa only looks at him questioningly as he hastily pulls away from the scene.

 

---

 

He had been seeing dreams since he was young - some were quite mundane, while some were downright bizarre. But among all of them there's only one that recurs every now and then.

The scene and place might not be the same, hell even the mood that accompanied it changes. All the other elements vary safe for one thing - a black suited man whose face is never revealed. At first the dreams were brief with the man simply standing at a distance, watching. Then as he grew older the dreams start to change; it starts to feel more like a far-gone memory rather than a dream.

Still, he couldn't make out the man's face.

Who are you? He'd find himself asking in the dreams sometimes.

[..You'll find out in time.] Once, the man replied. He could vaguely see the man tilting his head to the side, silver hair lightly moving in the imaginary breeze.

He could remember fighting the man; from what he could recall, it had seemed to him that the man was an enemy. Why, he doesn't know. The fights are always rough, both going all out to take the other down. He lost quite a number of times and won a few. It was always so difficult.

After some while, the fighting ceased, and it turns into a wildly different kind of dream.

He could remember possessive touches and words that left him confused and bothered in the morning. He could remember being held by the man, pulled flush against the other's body, hands tracing his form in a light caress.

What happened? He would ask himself the moment he woke up. The sudden change felt much too intimate (and at times, explicit) to be in between enemies.

Then for a little while, the dreams stopped. That is until he met that man.

He's been working night shifts often lately so that might be one of the reasons.

He was just on his way home when suddenly a loud sound caught his attention. He still has no idea why he decided to check it out in the first place. It could've been something extremely dangerous and he'd have no way of handling it. But he did anyways. And he found that man slumped against the furthest wall, surrounded by rubbles and unidentifiable matter scattered around the place. He was stunned, didn't know how to react. Then moonlight falls onto the area, and he saw blood pooling next to the man.

He rushed towards the other. Experimentally shaking the man, trying to rouse him.

"--Hey, are you okay?" No response. Checking for pulse and breathing. Still present, good. "Hey!" Louder. A soft grunt came in return. He can feel some of the tension relieving.

"What the hell happened here?" Whatever happened here is probably beyond what he imagined. Another soft grunt came from the man, vaguely sounded like he's telling him to stop.

Like he can. He won't, even if it kills him.

"Whatever, I'm dragging you home for now. I'm not leaving you out here to bleed dry." Wonder why he opted to do so when he probably should've called an ambulance.

"Hang on, I'll get you somewhere safe."

Moving the man proved to be a harder task than he thought (he's heavier than he looks, and a little taller too). Somehow, he managed to do so without attracting unwanted attentions. Everything was a blur until he got to his room, and only then he finally got a good look on the other.

The first thing he noted was the blood stain on the man's coat (out of both habit and practice). Getting the coat off was yet another struggle, throwing it over the chair at his work desk afterward.

Never before he felt grateful that he had a habit of collecting random items from work to keep at home (his first-aid kit now has a growing collection of local anesthesia and even sutures. His boss would have a fit if he ever found out). So there he sat next to his bed, tending to the man's wound after carefully peeling off his shirt. Thankfully the wound wasn't too deep, his equipment at hand were more than enough to handle it.

The next thing he noted was the man's clothing - the grey long coat is oddly heavy, like it's made of something other than fabric; the dark set that he wore, and the half-glove on his right hand. Who is this guy? He doesn't look like your regular person. Then he looks up and he noted the sleeping face, eyebrows slightly drawn together, and silver fringes brushing against his forehead.

Eh?

He felt something shot through him. He quickly tidies up the messes and made his way out.

It can't be..-

It might not be. But it's too close to be a mere coincidence.

Opting to set it aside first, he busies himself with everything else leaving the man to rest, until the man inevitably wakes up.

 

---

 

He sat alone in his room, pondering last night's event. The light from the setting sun casting long lines from the narrow windows of his room.

He went to sleep not long after he returned, albeit not so easily. A dream came.

No, a memory.

Of Ryuga. But it wasn't a recent memory. He knows.

Ryuga was the person he saw in his dreams - wearing a long black coat, dark fringes falling into his eyes set in a fierce glare.

He was a Knight. (Why does he have this memory?)

They were fighting. Why?

Were they enemies?

(Then was he--?)

The moonlight reflected off of his Soul Metal blade flashes at the corner of his eyes; a red scabbard.

He was the Golden Knight? Garo had been lost for a long time. Was this a memory from the time Garo still exists?

Then the scene shifts, and suddenly Ryuga is standing close to him, pulled flush against him, eyes widening in surprise. He could remember the heat from the other's skin; burning, pulse fluttering. There's a slight red tint over his cheeks with his eyes averted elsewhere. He can't help but to stare.

Weren't they enemies?

He remembers seeing inscriptions and a ghost of a spell. The feeling of Ryuga's pulse beating within his own chest.

And the dream ended there.

 

What was that last thing?

 

*

 

"..-Is reincarnation possible?"

Fusa's eyes were wide with his sudden, unprovoked question. He swears he could see the gears running in her head.

"Um..well..I did read it in one of the older books." She regained her composure after a while, returning to her desk to dig around in the pile of books and records stashed there. "Ah, found it!"

Pulling it out, she blows off a considerable amount of dusts off the book.

"Here it says..- a soul that fell into Makai can be reincarnated after a period of time; about 200 years or so." She turns the book around to face him, pointing the aforementioned sentence.

So it is possible.

"Why are you suddenly wondering about this?"

The question caught him. How to explain it? That the stranger that helped him turns out to be his enemy (lover?) 2 centuries ago and they were sort of bound together? Like the revelation that he might have been a Horror not crazy enough.

"..Nothing.., just curious.." She's now giving him that look. He narrowly saved his hand from getting crushed by the book as she snaps it close.

"You know you've been acting really strange lately, more so since last night. Care to tell me what actually happened?" Her eyes are throwing daggers and he reflexively backs away.

"It's nothing, really. I'm going now--" And he took off as fast as he can, escaping into the night, steadfastly ignoring her calls.

 

---

 

"You look far away today. What's wrong?" Came the question from his fellow colleague slash partner as they wrap everything up at the end of the shift. His mind was going places as he moves, paying no mind to the clutters around him.

"Nothing much, just thinking about stuffs." A soft snicker replies.

"Well that's a rarity. Why, got someone on your mind?" He paused for a bit. He's not wrong, technically.

"Kind off, I think. I'm not really sure." His friend put aside the AED, now fully facing him.

"What do you mean by that?"

He wracked his brain trying to put together a sensible explanation. "Have you met someone from your dream?" A questioning sound reached him, turning to the side seeing said friend with a raised eyebrow. "..Like you saw someone in your dreams, and then you end up finding them in real life...something like that."

"Can't say I have. Have you?"

"I guess so. But I only met them once so far." Wonder if they'll meet again.

"And do you wanna see them again?"

"Mm." He gave a small nod. He does wants to see that man again. He didn't even get to ask for his name last time. How is he doing now?

His friend simply pats him on the shoulder with a good-natured grin. "Don't worry too much. You'll see them again one day."

He can't help but worry.

 

---

 

Another night working and a case right at the start of it. It was just past 10 o'clock when a call came in - an accident at the crossroad facing the monument at the town center. They pack in and moved out in no time.

It was never a hard thing to spot an accident site; wrecked vehicles, possible bodies lying around nearby. The hard part is to identify the exact number of people involved. Though the lack of eyewitness complicates the matter, at least the presence of closed camera helped. The footage showed one person thrown out of the vehicle upon impact; they should be somewhere around. Spreading out, they looked around the site for the missing victim.

He moves a little further away following the trail of wreckage into a nearby patch of forest. Odd, looking from the pattern of impact it shouldn't have gone this far. "Is there anyone?" Silence.

A branch cracking. A growl.

He stopped in his tracks. What was that? That growl does not belong to an animal. That much he could tell.

Another one, louder. Suddenly he feels like there's something in the shadows, eyeing him. What is it?

"Stop hiding and come out now." Wonder what possessed him. But he feels like he knows what's cornering him. (Why?)

He took a step back out of caution when the first one comes out - a black creature, inhuman, with glowing eyes. Where did they come from? Why are they here? Searching; at the corner of his eye he sees a figure. A young woman in a bloodied dress.

The missing person. But something felt off.

"..-Miss?" He suppresses a flinch when the woman suddenly twitches violently, breaking apart into a grotesque form. Was the missing person. Whatever she is now is no longer salvageable. More of them creeps out from behind the tall trees. And now how is he supposed to work this out?

A beat. In a split second, they attack.

"--!!”

 

*

 

He was sitting around mulling his thoughts when the order came, and along with it a strange kind of bad feeling wells. Turning around, apparently even Fusa had the same feeling.

The Horror was detected nearby an accident site; a motor vehicle crash from what it seems. The site itself is already under control with the cops banding off the area and paramedics rushing around the place.

"It's coming from ahead." Came Alva's voice alerting them. They look off ahead towards the dark area blocked off by tall trees and noticed a trail of wreckage leading to the same place.

 

"-Hey, have you seen Ryuga? I couldn't contact him." He reflexively turns towards the sound of the man's name, seeing two of the paramedics discussing. What happened to him?

"I'm not sure. The last I saw him going over there." The person gestured towards the patch of forest and he could feel his blood running cold.

His mind practically blanks out, everything else blurring into the backgrounds.

"There's quite a number of them in there!" The urgency in Alva's voice barely reached him. The number doesn't matter. He'll cut them down.

(Don't touch him.)

[Don't touch what's mine.]

None of them would survive.

 

*

 

It was too fast for him to properly digest. One second, the creatures were coming his way. They were too quick for him to make a run at that point, bracing himself for the imminent impact. Then there was a flash of grey, a harsh metallic glint, and the one's closest to him turned to dust. The sound of a blade cutting through air; singing a warning song to its enemies.

He could do nothing but to simply stare at the familiar form of the one he's been looking for. The grey long coat flutters along to the man's movement, taking the monsters down with ease.

Who are you?

A flash of a similar form; the stark contrast between the man's silver hair and black coat, of black armor with blood red accent and massive wings in the same shade. Dark eyes peering down and long pale fingers carding through his hair.

[Don't you already know?]

 

The night air stilled as the attacks stop. The apparent threat upon his life gone with the last of them turned to dust. The other remained in his spot a distance away with his back towards him, breathing heavy from the adrenaline rush. The other man slowly turns around, eyes bright with an unnatural glow partly hidden behind silver fringes. And a single name came to him.

 

"..-Jinga."

 

*

 

There's a loud ringing in his ears. There was red in his vision and a kind of madness felt somewhat at home within him. He turns around to the man behind him who's frozen at his spot, eyes wide with both shock and recognition.

Then a whisper reached him --

"..-Jinga."

And all sounds ceased.

He couldn't quite recall what happened next.

Ryuga looks up at him with apprehension in his eyes, similar to the one he saw in his dreams. He can feel the heat emanating from the other's body.

When did he got so close?

So close..-

Close enough to feel the other's heartbeat hammering in his chest; echoing within the narrow space.

(Echoing within his own chest)

 

"--I found you at last."

 

*

 

When he realised it, he's already left alone in the patch of forest, out of breath. What happened? - was the first thing that crossed his mind. One moment there were monsters around him. Then they're gone.

A flash of grey danced in the corner of his mind.

The man from last time. Who is he? A glint of silver; the sound of metal cutting through air - it rings deep within him, calling out to a long dormant part of his soul. The part of him that knows everything. The creature, the battle, the duty..-

--That man.

His enemy.

His opposite.

His..-

(-..lover?)

The same eyes that now conveys a different emotion, severely lacking the madness that he should have.

Then suddenly the man is right in front of him, close enough to touch. And for a split second the man's eyes glowed silver and ancient fear struck him, rooting him to his spot. The acute realisation that he won't be able to do anything against the man now dawned upon him.

And then nothing. A blink and the other is gone. He sucked in a breath so harsh like he was drowning under the weight of realisation. Reflexively his eyes flicks down to his left hand - where is..--

He shook his head once. Right, he's not one anymore.

Such a strange feeling. As if he had been violently ripped out of his reality and thrown into a wildly bizarre version of it. He heavily leans into the tall tree behind him, heaving a long sigh. What has he gotten himself into?

 

---

 

Several days passed since then and they went back to their usual routine.

..-Or supposed to.

Something happened then though she couldn’t put her finger on it. Jinga had become noticeably avoidant to the both of them. It’s hard to even catch his shadow nowadays. And it feeds into her growing worry.

A strange vibe floats in the air as Fusa steps into the threshold. Somehow the atmosphere feels twice as heavy today despite the living area being empty. Odd. Not even Toma is around. Usually he'd be training around this time of the day, and she knows Jinga avoids going out working alone with his younger brother for obvious reasons so it couldn't be that.

Just as she ponders the situation, sounds of footsteps echoes from the staircase.

"Ah, Fusa, what are you doing right there?" Toma's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She turns around to see him stopping short of the last few steps facing her with raised eyebrows.

"And where were you from? Don't tell me you ran off after--"

"-I didn't! I was just around the place." Fusa narrows her eyes. "I swear!"

A sigh. "Fine, I'll believe you. But it's still strange that you didn't try."

Toma got off the stairs and made way to the couch, promptly plopping down onto it. "..I did." Fusa tilts her head slightly, observing the change in his expression; somehow the sentence felt incomplete. "Niichan is acting kind of strange earlier." That caught her.

"How so?"

"He told me to 'stay away' from him."

Fusa frowns at his words. "Why?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't even face me." Something is definitely wrong. She crosses the short distance to join Toma on the couch. "Usually he'd scold me or something, but today he just said that and went off."

That doesn't sound like him. She'd always known him to be somewhat closed off, preferring to keep his thoughts and feelings (and problems) to himself, but he's never cold. More so towards Toma.

"Maybe something did happen that time."

She turns towards the boy, "You mean that night?"

A nod. "Yeah."

So even Toma noticed that. To think of it he's been acting rather strange since she came back from her brief solo work.

First he went missing for a whole day and came back with bandages (for sure he thought she wouldn't notice that), then they came across a gang fight and he left the scene with a haunted look. And now this.

She leans heavily into the couch, heaving a long sigh.

"..What's going on with you?"

 

*

 

He ran.

What is he running from?

He doesn't know. Still, he ran.

There's a strange feeling in his chest. A tug of longing, for someone.

Someone that he's not even supposed to be involved with (in that way) in the first place.

Whatever he (he?) did then bound their souls together. He couldn't comprehend the motives of his (the Horror's) actions that time; the things he did for power.

(Was it really that? He had a feeling it wasn't really the reason.)

And that man..-

Ryuga.

[..-Ryuga.]

The things he did to that man was--

Ryuga did cut him down. Of course, it was his duty. He was the Golden Knight. But the curse was nothing short of cruel.

 

Ryuga hovered over him as their surrounding falls apart, while he lies in a pool of inky-black blood. Drops of deep red mixing in; ah, right, the contract. His eyes flick up towards the other man, now hunching over as he coughs up blood. A sharp inhale followed when the fit stopped for a brief period.

"You knew it'll end up like this."

The voice that answers were hoarse from the violent coughing. Somehow the man looked worse than himself. "That wouldn't stop me anyway." His usually soft, warm tan is now ghostly pale, breathing increasingly laboured.

Ripples broke the calm surface of the ever-growing black puddle, the shockwave from the crumbling palace knocking the other off balance, forcing him to kneel down next to his prone form.

Such a strange feeling. He ought to feel something in this situation. Time feels unreal. Had it always been real?

"What are you thinking off?" He met the man's eyes in the middle - still bright and clear, rich brown with specks of gold.

"I wonder what." Ryuga's breathing is slowing down, and the beating in his chest is getting weaker.

"Are you regretting it?" The eyes that held his gaze is similarly calm, strangely lacking the sparking flame that is always there whenever their eyes met. An odd light danced in them.

"..Regret? If there's one thing I regretted it was not cutting you down earlier."

He huffs out a laugh. Of course. "Well, that's your loss then." Surprisingly the man replied back with a soft snicker.

"I guess so."

Silence falls. Soft rustling came from next to him as Ryuga moves, shifting to lie down beside him.

"And what are you doing?"

"Can't you tell?" Still sassy in his dying breath. Ryuga moved a bit closer, lying on his side facing him.

"Why? Can't get enough of me?"

"Not at all. Got to keep an eye on you. Who knows you might start crawling away or something."

"Why would I?" His arm felt heavy like lead. Dragging it across the short distance to touch the man, lightly caressing his blood-stained lips. "..When you're right here next to me?"

The other blinks slowly, silently eyeing him. "Until now I still couldn't tell whether you're lying or not."

"I have no use for lies." The skin under his touch is cold; breathing shallow. "Why are you still here?"

A distant roar reached them - the castle is dying too.

"..A knight lives for their king. Then the answer to that is obvious." There was no lie in those words. So that is your regret.

The beat in his chest gradually comes to a stop and they fall down into Makai along with the castle.

 

He abruptly stops in his step. The memory of that moment remained vivid in his mind. A sudden rush of panic seized him, staggering on his feet. Quickly backing into a dark alley, he collapses against the nearest wall, trying to control his breathing.

It's unnatural to be able to remember your own death. And with his bad experience with that in this lifetime, the result is twice as bad.

(And that remains the reason why he couldn't sleep at night.)

Breathing hard and rapid, chest tight like it's being constricted by an invisible something. He grips his sword hard enough to blanch his knuckles as he tries to curb the tremors. When was the last time it got this bad? Last time Fusa was around so he got over it pretty quick.

How long has it been? He can hardly tell his surrounding with how loud his pulse is. It looks quite dark. His head is a mess. Can’t think.

How to stop this?

How to--

 

"..-Jinga?"

He snapped towards the sound of his name fast enough to hurt, eyes widening when he sees who was calling him.

"--You're-"

"-I thought so! It was dark so I couldn't really tell." Ryuga rushed his way before kneeling down next to him.

"..How did you find me?"

Ryuga's eyes tentatively met his then quickly darts away. "I don't really know either. Just, suddenly my chest felt tight and..-" His frown deepens by a bit as the situation became clear. "-You're having a panic attack."

"A what?" The quizzical expression the other is wearing feels somewhat funny despite everything.

"It's a--I'll explain that later. How long have you been like this?" He shook his head, voice stuck in his throat.

"It's okay, it's okay. Just follow me. Breathe in deep through your nose, hold it for five counts, then breath out slowly through your mouth."

And he did as he was told. Ryuga's soothing tone work wonders for him, or perhaps it's because the one his soul longed for is here beside him. It took him several times to finally be able to control his panic. By then all that is left of it is the telltale numbness of his fingertips. Slowly, he releases his death grip on his sword, feeling a rush of warmth flowing through it.

Ryuga sagged into the opposite wall, sinking to the ground with a relieved sigh.

"..-Thank you." He said as soon as he found back his voice, only for Ryuga to face him with mild shock.

"..-Really, the only thing you retained is your appearance and name." The man huffs out a soft snicker, expression loosening into an exasperated smile.

"Eh?" So, he...remembered. And now he's at lost. "..I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For..everything." Ryuga averted his eyes, looking off towards the roadside.

"It's been a long time ago. And I did..cut you down in the end."

"Of course you did, it was your duty."

"..Duty.." There's a kind of melancholy in his voice. "I guess so."

"..Why did you regret ending it that way?" He had an inkling but it doesn't seem to make sense. Ryuga's eyes flicked his way before looking downward, as if trying to hide behind his dark fringes.

"..Our relationship back then was forced at best despite my clear consent. I thought it was for the best, and you did hold on to your words to some degree. I suppose being stuck in that castle with no one else other than you then did something to me. You could say I ended up with a bit of a Stockholm syndrome from that."

"..Stockholm..?" That's a place, right?

Ryuga looked back towards him at his open confusion, promptly breaking into a laugh. "Sorry, I guess you didn't get that." It continued for several more seconds before slowly calming down. He’s unsure if he's supposed to feel a little offended over it (his mind is decidedly fuzzy with Ryuga's amused laugh; the soft, high pitch sound left a pleasant ringing in his ears.)

A small smile remained at the end though Ryuga kept his eyes down, cheeks dusted slightly red from the laughing.

"..I fell for you."

His eyes widened at the confession. It was that. The sheer conflict that Ryuga must've felt at the time.

(It was, in all sense and meaning, a forbidden love. Under normal circumstances he would've been detained by the Senate, marked as a fallen knight.)

"I was partly glad the contract worked that way because by then, I don't know how I would've lived without you." So that's why he stayed.

"..I remembered how you stayed with me then, even when you could've went back to your family. I remembered feeling something akin to joy when you stayed, that you chose to accompany me despite everything I did to you."

"What..do you mean?"

"At first, I simply wanted you - your light, and all of you. There wasn't much beyond that. The first person that came to mind when I went through the old contract was you. And it worked as I thought it would. And then..-" He paused, glancing towards the other, seeing Ryuga bewildered with a hint of anticipation in those eyes.

"..After some time it changed; suddenly I realised I wanted you to be with me. I couldn't accept otherwise. So, I kept you in, separate you from the rest." He remembered seeing Ryuga staring off into the distance beyond the tall windows of the castle, the longing that hid in his eyes whenever he is alone. One that Ryuga pushed down in lieu of heeding to his desires.

(He remembered silently staring at the man's face, numb fingers softly rubbing against cold lips as if trying to remove the dried blood staining them.

He looks calm like this. Wonder if he kept on touching the man would wake up and glare him down like he always does.

Heh. Even he could have this kind of thought.

His chest feels oddly empty without the beat that had made home within it.

A familiar feeling. One that he had long forgotten about.)

 

"..And now?" He looks up into clear brown eyes. The same warm shade with specks of gold.

"..-I want make right all the wrongs I did to you."

"Just that?" He was slightly taken aback from the response. The man is wearing a lighthearted expression, the corner of his lips quirking into a small, somewhat playful smile.

"..Would you let me protect you?" And give back all that I have taken from you. “It’s what I could do for you now.”

"Hmm..-" Ah, perhaps it's still too early for that. He barely known the man now.

"Fine. But in turn I have a condition." His attention went back towards the other man, wholly not expecting him to say yes.

"What is it?"

"Let me help you. I'm not a protector anymore so I can't do anything about the Horrors now, but I could at least help you with your other issues. You could really use some therapy." He coughed in embarrassment, badly wanting to tell him no thank you but couldn't bring himself to. Not with the way Ryuga is looking at him. And he yielded.

(There's a second beat in his chest, warm and whole, right next to his own.)

 

*

 

They end up returning to the base together. He was a tad reluctant at first, wanting to preserve the normalcy of Ryuga's current life. The man had been released from his lifelong duty as a protector; there's no need for him to be involved in this side of the world anymore.

"At least let me accompany you home. I'm worried you might get another attack."

How was he going to refuse? More so with the obvious contentment deep in his soul at the man's presence.

 

He was reaching for the door knob when it suddenly swings open revealing Fusa with a surprised expression.

"-Jinga? Where have you been?" Her eyes flicks towards his companion, eyebrow rising further. "And who's this?"

"Ah.., that's.." Clearing his throat, looking for words to explain. "He's Ryuga. A...-friend."

"Friend?" Fusa's eyes narrows by a fraction. She definitely did not buy that. What else he's going to call the man? Spouse from another life? (Though technically he is.)

"Ah, sorry. I ran into him earlier when he was in a bit of a spot. We met a while back." Ryuga interjected, reflexively pulling him behind. "I'm Ryuga, nice to meet you."

"I'm Fusa, his..work partner of sorts. Wait, were you the one that patched him up that time?" Wait, how did she know that?

"Yeah, I am. Though I only managed a rough one given my limited supplies." He scratches the back of his head, looking sheepish.

"It's fine, don't worry. It was rather well done. It's just that I'm a bit ticked that he didn't properly tell me about it." The look that she's throwing his way screams murder. "Ah, my bad. Shouldn't kept you waiting at the doorstep. Come on in. It's better to chat inside."

"If you say so then."

 

---

 

Some times passed and Ryuga had become a regular visitor of their abode. At times he come home to see him discussing stuffs with Fusa. Other times he came across the man playing with Toma. He seemed comfortable, almost at home.

(And at other times, he's the one making detours to the other's house, enough time that Ryuga kept doubles of personal items specifically for him. At some point he had fully upgraded from on and off visitor to part-time housemate. Pretty sure Ryuga mentioned once that he felt like he just adopted a feral adult male cat. Why cat though? Roze looked more like a wolf.)

(Fusa grins at him meaningfully with an exagerrated wag of her eyebrows everytime he came back from his sleepover.)

 

One time he almost got caught. It was a slow day and Ryuga randomly picked up Toma's training sword and literally started going through the motions.

He didn't hear the two of them coming because he was too busy staring and, ah, it's been a long time since he last saw the man's swordplay. It was Ryuga's startled noise that alarmed him. He turns around to see both of them looking awestruck.

("Niichan, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Is Ryuga a Knight?")

He almost choked on his own saliva over Toma's question.

Ryuga was apologetic over the little slip up.

("Sorry, kind off missed practicing, so..-")

It must've been hard on him. Ryuga now carries both set of memories. While he is no longer a knight, a part of him still remembers. Sometimes he can see the man staring down at his empty left hand, no doubt thinking of his previously ever present madou ring. Even though, he went on with his life as if nothing changed when most people probably would've gone crazy from the whiplash. He knows he would.

(He's holding on partly thanks to Fusa and Toma being constantly around him, and now with Ryuga added into the circle completing the missing link that had long existed within him. The fact that he doesn't remember much about himself from his past life helps tremendously. Though sometimes he can hear something like an echo or a second voice in his thoughts.)

 

 

 

"You did fell for him at first sight." Alva's teasing tone broke him out of his thoughts.

Maybe he did, a long, long time ago. But does it count as first if this is their second chance? Regardless..-

 

"..-Shut up."