Familiar Stranger: CH 24

Chapter 24: Dive

 

The rest of the day and the day after followed in silence. Mikage (and by extension, him too) steadfastly avoided the other two members of the group, but they can only try so much.

"Is something wrong?" Mikage just barely managed to slip away when Fusa came around with the question. Unable to escape, Ryuga stayed behind. "Since the two of you came back yesterday something seems odd."

How to say it? "Well, there's a bit...But it'll be fine. I'll do something about it." He can tell that she's not convinced, but what else can he say? Thankfully she didn't press any further.

 

Now, what to do?

In a way it sorts of feels like it went back to how they used to be, only that he is not the one doing the avoiding now. He figured the other man would need some space after...that so he simply played along. But he also knows that he can't leave the man alone for too long. He'd come to know that the other is a lot more fragile than he looks.

He stopped in his tracks after a while of searching to no avail.

"Hey, Zaruba. Can't you sense him somehow?"

"No. He's just a human; there's nothing I can do about it."

That be said, he can't sense the other too. And to think he used to be almost acutely aware of the other's (the Horror's) presence.

Feeling at lost, he ends up going around the entire place. Might as well does his day job while he's at it too.

Time passed by unnoticed; when he realised it, it's already nearing sunset. Still he couldn't catch the other's shadow. Where are you? The anxiousness building up inside of him becoming more apparent the longer it goes.

What if--

No, he would notice first hand if that happens, and he's dreading it. Please, don't let it be.

The shadow on the ground stretches as the sun slowly sinks beyond the horizon. In his search, his feet brought him to a different part of the city. He passed this area during his first few runs. But with the declining Horror activities, he hasn't come around here since. The rundown alleyway cutting into the half-broken building in the corner of the road is as silent as ever. His breathing came out in a cloud of vapor in the cold night air.

 

Somehow it feels even colder tonight.

 

A sudden sound from behind startled him; swiftly turning around.

"..Ryuga-" There he found the other standing a distance away in mild surprise. Before he could say anything, the other man turned around to escape.

"-Wait..! Where are you going? I've been looking for you.." Mikage stopped in his tracks at his call but he remained facing away in silence. "..Are you avoiding me?" It couldn't have been anything else.

"Aren't you having a hard time being around me?"

So it is..

He had been feeling conflicted since then, since forever. Yes, he did, but now..-

"I did. But now it feels harder when you're not around." Wonder when did he starts feeling this way. Was it then? That time with just the two of them under the moonlit sky.

(He had fallen. Even when he told himself he shouldn't.)

He slowly made his way towards the other. A careful step after another, mindful to not alarm the other man.

"Why?"

"I wonder why." He stopped just a few breadths away, letting his head fall onto the other's back. Warm.

"Do you know, when I first saw you, I was scared. I thought I had to face him again." Mikage remained silent though he doesn't seem to be pulling away. But he did stiffen at the mention of the other person. "He was really strong. The strongest opponent I had by far. I wouldn't have make it if I fought against him alone."

"Still, you defeated him."

"Barely. I somewhat regretted finding him only after he turned into a Horror." Getting thrown here and coming across Mikage felt like a part of his wishes were fulfilled; he managed to find a version of him as a fellow knight (though he certainly did not count in the possibility of him falling for the other man).

 

"You know, he's much like us too."

"-Eh?"

"Like how you lost your parents. Like how I lost my mother... He was betrayed, and he lost his child."

A sudden, sharp inhale came from the other. It had hit a little too close to home. More so for him.

"So, you don't hate him?"

"Of course, I do. He hurt my friends. He hurt a lot of innocent people..-"

"-But..?"

"..Sometimes when I fight him, I can feel it from his blade - anger, resentment, grief, regret." Even if by then, the man doesn’t even remember any of that anymore. Him, his wife, the Madou Horrors in Vol city. They never wanted to become one. He promised his mother, he promised Rian - he won't allow that kind of tragedy to repeat itself.

"Then, how do you feel about me?"

He reached out to grab the other's sleeve in a tight grip. "..I want to save you, give you the chance that he didn't get. You still have a future and the lives that you can protect. I think that's probably why I'm here; it is something that I must do." It is the conclusion that he reached after being stuck here for months without any hint or answers. If he has to face that man again then so be it. He'll cut him down as many times he needs. More so when it means protecting someone.

Silence stretches in between them with only the sounds of their steady breathing. He had poured out all of his pent-up feelings and thoughts. And for once in a long time, he felt somewhat lighter.

 

"Hey, Ryuga-"

"Hm?"

"-You know when I first saw you, I felt like I've known you for a long time. It's weird; we've never even met before." Mikage's voice is just above whisper but it was enough to cut through the cold silence. "That time I was confused. It's our first meeting and yet it feels like you resented me in some way. I didn't know what to do."

He remembered that - he remembered the feeling of sheer shock and fear from that time. He couldn't make sense of it; how? Why?

"..I'm sorry." It wasn't your fault.

"You don't have to; I already understand why." A momentary pause lapsed in mutual understanding.

 

"Ryuga, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"What'll happen after this all ends?"

The one question he had been dreading but one he had to answer nonetheless. "..I'd likely be returned to wherever I came from."

"As I thought so.."

"-You knew."

"I accidentally heard you talking about it to Fusa that time. And I've been fooling myself ever since." The words cut through his chest with a pang of guilt. He released his grip like it burned him, reflexively stepping away.

"-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I hurt you.

Before he could get any further, a hand shot out, catching his own. He looks up towards the other man appearing conflicted.

"I tried keeping myself away because I thought you wouldn't want me around, with him somehow being a part of me. I couldn't trust myself to not hurt you. But I can't bear it; scared that I might fall back into the darkness. So, please-" The grip around his wrist tightens just by a fraction. "-Please, don't stay away from me."

Don't leave me. Mikage's half-conscious request from that night haunts him. But this is not his world. He'll have to leave sooner or later.

He'll have to--

"..Don't say that. You know I'll have to eventually..-" Reaching out, grabbing the hand still holding onto his wrist, meaning to push it away. Instead he could only keep it there, fingers curling into the fabric of the other's sleeve. "..Now, I can't bear leaving you too."

A tug sends him crashing into Mikage's embrace; full of unspoken emotions and desperation. Ducking into the crook of Ryuga's neck, holding on. Ryuga similarly returns the embrace, pulling in even closer.

And for a moment, they wished that it would last forever.

A selfish desire.

They exist in different time; it was never possible in the first place.

 

(Even so, they chose to hold onto each other, wishing that a piece of the other person would remain inside them even when they are no longer together.)