MANIA

Warning: unhealthy relationship, power imbalance, masochism

 

 

Wonder since when did he started feeling this way. This growing heat deep inside him. At first it wasn't as noticeable; it's there and that's all. He knows it's probably not normal. He knows something is not right with him yet he couldn't put a finger on it.

He tried to ignore it but he couldn't anymore.

What is it?

He couldn't help but be distracted during fights. With each strike, each hit, the heat thrums within him, spreading through his body - like it's calling out, reaching out for something.

 

His heart skipped a beat and his breath stuck in his throat, staggering when a hard hit partially knocked the wind out of him.

"-Ryuga!"

Rian's voice felt like it came from far away. Roughly shaking his head in an attempt to clear it up; he needs to focus, more so with this man as his opponent.

He pulled himself back together just in time to block a strike. The resounding clash left ringing in his ears.

 

"..You're rather distracted, is there anything wrong?" Came the taunt, with a smile that had a strange knowing tilt to it. Like the man could sense his inner turmoil. The weight of the other's attack continues to push him down onto one knee.

"It's none of your business!" Heavy; he struggled to hold the other man off. Yet the longer this go, the more the heat grows.

The more it burns.

He must be getting mad.

With a grunt, he pushes the other off, severing the connection in bright sparks. A void opens in his chest and no matter how hard he breathes it remains empty. Waiting, yearning for something.

The man tilts his head to the side, eyeing him in amusement. A strange emotion well up inside him.

What..? 

"Really? Then--" In a blink the other closed in, right hand shooting out to grab his left wrist in a rough grip, tugging him against the other's hard body.

Too close. Hot.

 

"--Why do I sense arousal from you?"

 

*

 

He remembers struggling - to keep his footing, to breathe. The weight of realisation was both crushing and oddly relieving. He could only gasp as the shock awash him.

The thing that had been slowly growing within him.

The way the lingering touches seemed to bate the intense heat and fanned it even more at the same time.

The way his subconscious had focused on the man's voice, dropped to a low whisper right next to his ear.

 

"..-If you need me, I'll be waiting." 

 

And then the man vanished before he could even collect himself and deny the accusations.

(Accusations?)

(Was it that what he tried to deny?)

His chest ached; the emptiness in his core begging to be filled.

 

A touch on his arm shook him out of his haze. Turning to that side, he sees Rian looking at him in concern.

"..Ryuga, are you alright?"

A thought crossed his mind and he swallowed thickly.

"Yeah, I am."

 

*

 

Night falls as the sun sinks beyond the horizon. The bright moon that hangs in the starless night sky felt foreboding. Like an all-seeing eye - watching all his moves, reading all his thoughts.

It's eerily quiet.

The whole day had been hard. He had busied himself by running around the city for objects to seal while trying to distract himself from his own incessant thoughts. His dark desires.

What went wrong with him?

He waited until everyone else retired for the night before silently making his way out, leaving Zaruba behind on the shop's counter. The moment he stepped out of the door, it felt like he had crossed a point of no return. Nevertheless, he went on with heavy steps.

 

The man didn't say where but he just knows somehow. By instincts? Or perhaps there is already an invisible thread connecting the two of them, drawing them to each other.

In time he reached an abandoned building; the light drizzle that falls on his way out makes the night air colder than usual. Still it wasn't enough.

He needs..--

 

"..-You really came."

He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from sighing in relief. He is truly out of his mind. It took him his entire willpower to not just fall right where he's standing and leave himself at the man's mercy.

The sound of footsteps echoes in the wide expanse, mixing in with the steady dripping of rain water coming through the cracks in the structure.

The man's gaze swept over him, lips pulling into a wicked smile as they fall onto his bare left hand. Another step and only a short distance were left between them.

"Now..-" The man started and a hand reaches out to trace his form in a light caress, slowly moving higher until it stops to curl under his chin, thumb tugging on his bottom lip. "--How do you want this?"

How?

He had a feeling the other already knows yet still wanted to hear him say it out himself.

 

He can't. He's already way past his limits by now.

 

He took a short step ahead, closing in the remaining distance, hands splayed on the other's chest to keep himself steady, somewhat leaning in. His pulse rapid and loud in his ears. He tilts his head upward to meet the man's gaze, and found himself already trapped within the darkness.

 

"..-Violate me."

 

The answering smile sent chills down his spine - like he's being eyed by a predator and there's nothing that he can do about it. Slowly, a hand went around his waist and another one crept up along the curve of his back.

"Very well, then..-" The hand creeping up his nape buried itself in his hair, followed by a rough tug, pulling his head back forcing him to bare his neck.

 

"--I'll make you scream and beg for it."

 

*

 

It's been well a while since then, and things has inevitably turned into an odd routine.

He remembers going back to the shop as the sun was rising, carefully avoiding the other inhabitants. He remembers the rough touches that had eventually ingrained themselves into his physical memory. He remembers the hard thrust that left him completely helpless, screaming and begging like the man had intended to. And he remembers feeling a little less empty afterward.

The exhaustion got to him and he end up sleeping the day away. When asked, he simply said that he couldn't slept the night before and went out hunting the whole night.

A lie.

To which both Rian and Zaruba had suspiciously raised an eyebrow at, though they decided to let it slide.

 

The next time they come across each other they clashed like they always do. Only that now he is acutely aware of the way his body is responding towards the other. And the man took the chance presented to play with and torment him the entire time, knowing that he couldn't let it be known with the others around. Then the cycle repeats itself.

He has grown addicted to it. To the way those eyes lingers on him as laid naked and vulnerable underneath the other man. To the way the man's rough play left him writhing and moaning, robbing him of any and every sensible thought until the only thing that remained is the man himself. Then he sees his own reflection in the mirror with his skin bruised - marked - and a strange kind of satisfaction grows in him.

 

(And sometimes he would find himself be whisked away by the man after a battle, thrown into the mattress while the man kisses him harshly in between low growls. He didn't miss the possessive hold and words every time the man finds him in that manner, or the way the man had swiftly dispose the Horror he was fighting against for daring to do so.)

 

He doesn't know how long he could keep this up before anyone suspects anything. He knows Rian and Zaruba know something is off with him lately even though neither said or did anything. And as a result, while subtle, a rift had opened up in between them.

He is at lost.

What should he do?

He's stuck in a deep, dark place and he couldn't get out.

(Or perhaps, he doesn't wish to.)

It'll be a whole different problem if the Senate found out about this. They'd certainly question his credibility and deem him unfit for duty. Better yet they would likely mark him as a fallen knight.

Has he?

Maybe, in a way.

He couldn't deny the darkness that exists in his heart.

He couldn't--

 

 

"..-You're rather distracted tonight. Care to explain?" The familiar low notes broke him out of his train of thoughts, murmured against his heated skin. "I thought I told you to not think of unnecessary stuffs." The man's eyes narrow, looking down on him.

"..It's…nothing." The man hums in response. A shiver passed through him as the other sucks on the skin of his inner thigh.

"Fine, then."

And the thought never occurred to him anymore for the rest of the night.